Grandmothers Say the Funniest Things

Ann H Gabhart Ann's Posts, One Writer's Journal

All right, what funny things did your grandmother say? I know there’s probably something. Some odd turn of phrase or perhaps mispronunciation, something that still makes you smile when you remember. Jackie called her grandmother’s wise little saying “grandma-isms.” So here are a few of those grandma-isms I gleaned out of your e-mails and comments.
Susan said her grandmother would load down the table with food and then say, “If there’s something you want that’s not here, just tell me and we’ll hunt it up!”

LuAnn’s grandmother-in-law said this to LuAnn’s husband because he had waited so long to bring his family to visit her. “I oughtta throw you across the yard.” 
Sandi says her grandmother was ready with “that’ll do” whenever they were “acting up.” I heard that one some when I was a kid and know I said it a few times myself. My mom was also fond of “cut the comedy.” Her father told her the same thing and she said she got in a lot of trouble once when she told him she would if he’d let her have the scissors. I knew better than to ask for the scissors.

Teresa says her grandmother’s favorite saying was that she “loved us all the same.” And that she meant it even if she did have 50 grandchildren to love the same. She’d stand at the door and kiss every child who
came through the door. 

 Patty used to spend the night with her grandma and no matter the temp
outside she would load the bed with quilts. Patty says, “She would have so many of
those heavy quilts on the bed I couldn’t move! When I thought she was
asleep I would wiggle out from under those quilts (not only were they
heavy, I was burning up. Summer is way to hot for quilts!) get cooled off
and comfortable and then I would hear grandma say “poor little thing is
going to get cold”
and all those quilts would cover me up! 

It’s a fact that grandparents are determined to not let their grandkids catch a chill. My father-in-law used to build up the fire until we’d be roasting and thinking it might be good to go sit on the front porch in the middle of January. But he made sure the “babies” didn’t get cold.

My aunt who was like a grandmother to me said “bum” for bomb. Every time I heard her I had to think twice about what she meant. She also liked to say “You’ll never notice it on a galloping horse” whenever a seam in something I was sewing wasn’t perfect. And when we took sponge baths at her house, she’d tell us to wash as far down as possible and then as far up as possible and then wash possible. 

My other grandmother was famous for saying Go to sleep. You’ll feel better in the morning” whenever any of her children complained with any kind of ache or pain. I’ve been known to say the same and more often than not, it turned out to be true. One of my other favorite sayings for my kids was “If you don’t like, don’t eat it.” I don’t say that to the grandkids as much. I just ask if they’d like a little candy instead. 🙂 My kids have plenty of my oddities to grin about, but if they get to grinning too much, I’ll just tell them to cut the comedy and dare them to ask for the scissors.
I want to thank all of you for sharing your grandmothers with me. Some shared about loved ones who acted the grandmother role for them. Others of you shared how you never knew your grandparents but that you were making the most of being grandmothers yourself. I always enjoy my giveaways more when the stories come in with the entries. You didn’t have to share a grandmother story to enter, but I’m glad a lot of you wanted to walk down memory lane and remember your grandmothers. I also hope you’ve enjoyed the stories I was able to share forward.

Monday I’ll be drawing for the winner of the lilac Grandmother’s Bible, so there are still a few days to throw your name in my hat if you haven’t already entered. The picture up top is the Bible open to one of the devotionals “The Art of Grandparenting.” I’m quite confident that many of you have that art figured out.

Thanks for reading and I’d love to hear something your grandmother said that maybe made you smile.