Kids say the darnedest things

Ann H Gabhart Ann's Posts, One Writer's Journal

Some of you out there probably remember Art Linkletter’s show where he talked to kids and they did say the darnedest things. We were eating in a restaurant here locally where they celebrate t.v. shows from the fifties and sixties and that show was on. You couldn’t hear it so you didn’t really know whether it was funny or not, but it brought back memories. That gets me to this week’s mid-week post. I got this before Mother’s Day and planned to use some of it in our church bulletin, but I laid it aside and promptly forgot it. Now even though Dad’s day is closer, we’ll do a few of these kids saying the darnedest things about “Why God Made Moms.” These are supposed to be 2nd graders, but sometimes I wonder about things I get as pass-alongs on the e-mail circuit. But we’ll just assume this is real and not somebody’s imagination working overtime and just pretending to be seven-year-olds talking.

Why did God make mothers?
1. She’s the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were born.

How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men’s bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1. We’re related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people’s moms like me.

What kind of little girl was your mom?
1. My Mom has always been my Mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don’t know because I wasn’t there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.

What did Mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

What does your Mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don’t do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your mom perfect?
1. On the inside she’s already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I’d diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your Mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I’d get rid of that.
2. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.

Hope you all had a great mother’s day and are getting ready to enjoy Children’s Day this coming Sunday and Father’s Day the next Sunday. Some people at our church say every day is Children’s Day. And I say I hope so at our churches. Besides aren’t we all children in God’s eyes?

Talk to you this weekend if my brain’s not too tired after Bible School. We’re having fun.